“The most expensive advice you will ever get in life is usually free”
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in our lives is to go to people we love for advice. The reason for that is because usually, they love you. They want what is best for you and they assume that what is best for you is probably what is safest for you. Instead of seeing what can be your greatest joy, they are seeing what will keep you from experiencing the most pain. The very advice they give out of love is what will ultimately keep you away from achieving happiness and joy.
Another major mistake that we make is when we go to our group of “friends” as if they were some kind of qualified advisory board. Unfortunately, your friends have biases, some they know of and some they don’t. They want what is best for you too, but only as long as it doesn’t make their own current situation a little less comfortable.
A few years ago our Keller Williams Real Estate office hired a young woman based on my reference to her as a friend. She did a great job and all of the agents in the office enjoyed getting to know her and talking with her. One day I was walking past her reception desk and noticed that there were 7-8 other agents crowded around. One of them said, “let’s see what Jimmy thinks she should do!” She explained to me that she was in a dilemma cause she loved her boyfriend and wanted to marry him but he was hesitant to get married and she was fed up. She had been crying about it and so one after another, agents from the office stopped to give her an opinion. They were torn between waiting it out and breaking up so he could see that she was serious, forcing him to make a decision. I looked at her and said something that I don’t even know where it came from but I loved it the second I said it, “You already know what you need to do. The reason for that is because there are feelings, insecurities, and details about your relationship that you aren’t going to nor should you share anyone else, especially with a bunch of co-workers in the office. Those details contain all the answers and feelings and that’s why you shouldn’t care what our opinions are. Plus you already know the answer.”
She thanked me later for that comment cause she said she did know and she knew she just needed to give him space. She even knew why and told me it was over something she could never share. She gave him space, they got married, and they seem to be living very happy. The point of that story is just to show how important it is not to run to other people for advice when those people either
Don’t have the full story
Don’t’ know your feelings and emotions, even if they aren’t logical
Might have their own agendas or biases.
How many relationships have been ruined cause one of the 2 people felt wronged by the other and they quickly jumped to tell a friend or family member; only to regret doing so later when they made up. The problem with this in a lot of cases is that the friend or family member isn’t hearing all the great things the other person is doing and soon they start to cheer against the relationship.
This is why it is so important to me to hire a life coach. Not just any life coach either though, these days there are a lot of people that are acting qualified to give advice when they are not. I’m sorry but next to parents I think bishop or ecclesiastical leader comes in next. You need a qualified life coach or therapist.
I have had a life coach for a couple of years now and here is a list of the things that I love about having her as my coach.
She gives me only unbiased opinions, never even met in person
She has a different background and perspective so I can “get out of the bubble” I sometimes am in here in Utah
She has helped 100’s of businessmen just like me
She is highly trained for years under Tony Robbins and in his organization
She knows the stripped down, not so great parts of me and she STILL loves me unconditionally. This is the most important part of it all because I am able to be 100% vulnerable with her and upon doing so I see how she loves me even more. All my fear that people wouldn’t love the “True Me” and yet it was just the opposite. This was one of the most important realizations of my life and has allowed me to be more vulnerable with other people as well. Because of that, I have had better and more intimate relationships in every aspect of my life.
It is ok to admit that we need help. It is ok to admit we don’t have the answers. It is ok to have someone with a completely different belief system than you look at every part of your life and help you see blind spots that come from cultural wiring. EVERYONE should look to get help in his or her lives. See where you can improve, see where you are falling short.
A few years ago I wanted some honest feedback into what I needed to do better in life so my Real Estate mentor Bill Pipes told me to mail out 10 pre-stamped and pre-addressed envelopes to 10 friends from different aspects of your life. He told me to ask them 2-3 simple questions that you want them to anonymously type out and then to stick the paper in the envelope and return it to me. It was an amazing experience for me and if you decide to do it you will get invaluable feedback that people might not feel safe to give you otherwise. These are the 3 questions I’d recommend:
What are 3 things you really like or love about me?
What are 2-3 things you think I can work on to be a better person (Be honest and brutal please)?
What is something you would like to express to me that you have never felt comfortable telling me in person?
If you are wondering where to find the right coach I would start by going outside of your normal network. Think of someone you highly admire and go ask them whom they would recommend. I would strongly suggest you quit going to your bishop or parents or best friends for advice. They aren’t qualified to give a lot of the answers to the questions you are asking. Look for opportunities in life to improve every day. It is a built-in human quality to want to improve all the time. This is a great thing that keeps us alive.
My last words on all this are something my favorite sports radio host Colin Cowherd says all the time...
“Don’t try to be right, try to get it right.”